Falling into the clover . . . *KAYLA* [Retroactive thread]

[ShinoDino first of her name!]

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm taking
I ain't never gonna shut you out!

(ooc) Who am I? (It's totally Kayla)



His claws ached. His legs ached. His back ached. 

Probably from all of the walking, running, and pulling fighting shoving scratching tearing he’d done. Still the turmoil raged. Still grief gripped his heart like bloody talons. Every heartbeat brought pain, brought memories back to life. 

A quail trotted across his path, plump and tempting. But he’d never dare hunt here. Not again. And he hadn’t felt hunger since the moment Tempestpaw’s small feet had curled around her belly, protecting their kits even as the life bled from her throat. 

StoneClan had been defeated, yes, but not soon enough. Stonepaw’s beseeching for his help had toughened him long enough to endure the subsequent battles, but now he felt as dry and empty as a beechnut husk. 

Stonepaw was probably a warrior by now. 

At the thought, his heart convulsed again. Tempestpaw should have been granted that honor. Beck himself knew little about the Clans other than what she and Marcus had told him, but he knew how great the honor was. No one deserved it more than Tempestpaw. No one deserved to be a mother more than her, either. 

And she’d get exactly nothing. 

A hurried burial, whispered goodbyes. Only their unborn kits to keep her company. 

A cracked sob escaped his chest, and Beck fell to his knees. Let a SkyClan patrol find him. Let them kill him. He preferred Death to this agony. Life had lost all meaning the moment Tempestpaw’s body disappeared beneath the earth, leaving him here above it. 

Alone. 

Through his blurry eyes, Beck gazed around him helplessly, wanting one last glimpse of the world before either grief or a SkyClan patrol sent him to StarClan. Another mewl of grief escaped him as he realized where he’d ended up. 

Here, moons ago, he’d been dropped on by Stonepaw, clawed within an inch of his life . . . and nursed back to health by his angel. 

Do you watch over me now? Do you hate me for failing you? I’m so sorry, my love - I should have insisted that you come with me. Oh, why didn’t I keep you safe? 

What ifs, should haves, and failures swirled in his head, making him dizzy with grief and regret. 

He refused to go back to Marcus. He’d made his own life away from the older rogue and going back would just be another defeat. His heart lay here, deeper within the territory than he dared to go. 

Well . . . 

Beck lifted his dark head, still-misty blue eyes reflecting the clouds above. 

He’d avoided going deeper into SkyClan territory for fear of being caught. But now it didn’t matter. He’d welcome a bloody battle to his death. And he could not think of a better way to join his beloved than falling right next to where she slept beneath the dirt. 

He staggered to his numb paws and felt the first twinges of nerves. He had absolutely no idea how to find those rose bushes again. He’d been stumbling around in the pitch darkness and clouded with fresh grief. The grief still remained, but the bright sun changed everything. 

“We’ll be together one day when this nightmare is over. You’ll see.” 

Yes we will, my love. I’m sorry I didn’t die beside you as I should have. 

Taking a deep breath, Beck stepped deeper into SkyClan territory.

Everywhere I'm looking now 

I'm surrounded by your embrace 

Baby, I can see your halo 

You know you're my saving grace